Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
