You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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