that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
