Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
