Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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