You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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