Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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