She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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