wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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