i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
