youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
