where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
