There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
