I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I believe in your delicious
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
