White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
