Whod you bang
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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