Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
