hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
