your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
