The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
