this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
