I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize