I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize