and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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