It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
