the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
