look no pants
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
