who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
