so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
