Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
