Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
