Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
