I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
