Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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