Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
