Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
