remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
