so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
