and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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