3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
