I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
