I cannot find my penis.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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