I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
