I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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