you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
