I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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