the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
