you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am available for nakedness
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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