Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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