if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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