Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
