weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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