Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
