the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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