Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
