you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
