I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
