So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
