He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
