am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
