is your mom at the bar?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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