I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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