Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i love accidental penises.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Randomize
