I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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