You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
