When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
