I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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