Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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