I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
