Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
