so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
