Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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