Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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