My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
