dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
