If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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