If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
