Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
