barbara walters just said penis...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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