my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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