She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
