My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
