Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
