so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
