oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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