It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize