I have demons in me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
