Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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