it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize