It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish I only lived at night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
