the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
