physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
