I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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