my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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