STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
