My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
