well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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