My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
